hello i love you

kill me for not being a rich santa monica bitch

2008-03-26T01:18:00.000-07:00

my dream women

2008-03-23T14:32:00.000-07:00

damn this bitch looks good

2008-03-21T22:50:00.001-07:00

kill all the bitches with long hair and middle parts

2008-03-18T15:10:00.000-07:00

excuse me look at this dumb girl from the like. she is so pretty and her hair is amazing, KILL HER!

For our dreams of looking good this summer

2008-03-17T17:47:00.000-07:00

Hello I just love you so much

2008-03-16T17:57:00.000-07:00

me as a real life olsen twin with my diet coke

PLEASE MY DREAM LIFE. A sexy mod guy on a scooter and me strapped on the back with a middle part HELLO!!!

Youuuuu send meeee

2008-03-16T12:30:00.001-07:00

further proof that i am a loser

2008-03-09T11:26:00.001-07:00

this is like the most fucking urban outfitters band on the PLANET but hello they are secretly so good :(

Excuse me--I dare anyone to try and look this good

2008-03-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

ARE YOU CRAZY!!! LOOK AT HER!!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!

2008-03-07T02:25:00.000-08:00

MY TWO DREAM ANIMALS!!!!

please im just sobbing

2008-03-06T00:06:00.001-08:00

do you understand that this song just kills me!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!

Where do you rest your vacant hand?

2008-03-05T02:52:00.001-08:00

A STORY I WROTE FOR CLASS. PLEASE I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

I remember the first time we ever stood in front of a mirror together. The air in his bathroom was sticky and thick, like someone had just showered. It wore our skin like bulky coats as we brushed our teeth there in the dark. The power had been out for about fifteen minutes, and Cole suggested that the bathroom might be the brightest room in the apartment. I assumed that he had forgotten it was dark outside, since his narrow bedroom walls were lined without windows. When the lights went out, my back was turned away from him, so that I could not see his face. I could feel the hairs on his chest press up against my back every few seconds when he would breath in—and then I felt them escape me as he shot the recycled bedroom air back through his nose. My eyes were closed when the lights went out, and without the disrupting sound of a power surge, I may have never noticed that the entire apartment was eerily black. Cole reached his arm over my shoulder and said,

“Ceclia? You awake? The power went out—I think I have a flashlight or something in here, but I’m not sure.”

I kept my eyes closed. I sat up and told him I’d help him look for the flashlight but he told me to lie back down. I felt him stand up from the bed—a mattress made for a six year old, covered in clammy sheets that he had clearly not washed in months. I could feel the empty space next to me on the mattress, and I extended my leg just a little bit, to touch the warm spot he left. I could hear him in the room—making as much noise as a marching band, and I thought to myself,

“How can someone so precious make so much noise?”

It only took around three minutes until he sat down on the edge of the bed, bouncing my leg back to its original spot on the antique store smelling sheets.

“Any luck?” I asked him.

“I can’t fucking see shit.” He sounded like a child who was having trouble finding their Easter basket. The disappointment in his voice rose up through his throat and released itself in the form of a large sigh.

“Stand up” he said. “Lets try the bathroom—maybe the light from the street will shine in through the window.”

I supposed that he must not have realized that streetlights also shut off during power outages, but I kept my thoughts to myself. He got up from the mattress first, and then brushed his hand across it to find mine. I grabbed onto his index finger and he pulled me up. His skin felt different in the dark. It felt creamy and pleasant. Sometimes, in the light, I would look at the calluses on his hands and make faces at them like I had eaten something sour like a lemon or added too much salt to my dinner. I liked his hands in the dark. I lifted my body up from the bed and followed wherever his index finger led me. I heard his bedroom door whine a high-pitched note and then I heard his hand brush up against the wall. He led me through the door and into the hallway. The cozy carpet of his bedroom against the bottoms of my feet turned into cold, firm wood. I liked the way his hallway looked in the dark. In the light sometimes, I would stare at scuffs in the hardwood floor and wonder why he never bothered to buffer them out. There was also a crooked painting of a woman in a white dress, laying in a sailboat, hung on the dirty white wall. He said his mother gave it to him as a house-warming gift, but I never thought that reason enough to hang such an awful picture on a wall—especially crooked like that.

We made it to the bathroom, and to Cole’s surprise, no light from the street shone in. I pressed my back up against the brisk wall and felt the damp air against my cheeks. A sensitive spot of skin on my left forearm started to tingle, so I rubbed it with my right hand, finally letting go of Cole’s leading index finger.

“So now what?” I asked.

“We’ll brush our teeth.” He replied.

At any other time on any other day, the idea of brushing our teeth together would have been painfully romantic to me—but the fact that we could not see the sink in front of us, let alone locate on our faces were our teeth were, it seemed to be a bit of a task.

“But I didn’t bring a toothbrush.” I said as a quick excuse to avoid the disaster of brushing in the humid, lightless room.

“I have an unopened one in the drawer to your left. See if you can find it.” He said.

I leaned forward and placed my palms at the edge of the marble countertop. I slid my hand down the side of the sink until I felt a thick handle that I imagined to be gold. I pulled it, hearing the deep bellowing sound of the drawer resonate throughout the room. I felt around for a moment, gliding my hands over objects that felt like porcupines and fish scales, until I felt my fingertips touch a long, somewhat thin box wrapped in plastic. I pulled it out of the drawer and raised it close to my face. I saw nothing. I could tell that Cole was leaning against the wall as I was before. I could hear him tapping his foot against the tile floor. I ripped the side of the box, and pulled the toothbrush from it’s packaging. I ran my finger over the firm bristles and turned back to where I imagined Cole to be.

“How do you want to make this work?” I asked him.

He leaned forward and grabbed onto my arm, while he slid his hands all over the countertop looking for his toothbrush. He picked it up, along with the toothpaste, and after a moment of searching, turned the faucet on. I knew that we were standing in front of the mirror, and for a second I felt sad that I could not see our reflection looking back at us. I imagined though that he looked tired, his hair pushed unnaturally to the left side of his forehead. I imagined that my collarbone stuck out like it always did, and that my makeup was smeared underneath my eyes like newspaper ink on fingertips. He grabbed my hand and took the toothbrush out of it. He ran it under the cold water and somehow managed to place the toothpaste perfectly on the bristles. He handed it back to me, and before I could lift my hand to my mouth I heard him, dragging the brush back and forth against his teeth, the sounds changing as he adjusted the shape of his mouth. I wanted so badly to be able to see him. I wanted to see if he widened his eyes like I did when I brushed my teeth, and I wanted to see where he put his vacant hand. I rested mine comfortably on my hip. I put the brush in my mouth and the strong mint taste of the toothpaste coated my tongue. I fumbled to find my hip with my hand and rested it there as I always did. Cole spat into the sink while I reached far back to clean the spaces where my wisdom teeth used to be. I felt his eyes fixed against my cheek. I turned to him, with the toothbrush still in my mouth and could make out only a black lump where his face must have been. He opened his mouth to speak and I could smell the dessert like scent of his freshly cleaned teeth,

“We look great in this lighting, don’t we?”

Because we are boy crazy French lovers

2008-03-04T23:15:00.000-08:00

ARE YOU HIGH

2008-03-04T19:07:00.001-08:00

Because I am still high and I love you.

2008-03-03T01:12:00.000-08:00

here are so many videos of songs that i love. please just deal with it.

okay please enjoy them ALL!

Thank god for Italian women

2008-03-02T15:14:00.000-08:00

um excuse me. this is my favorite song too. of course she is so amazing she's ITALIAN DUH!!!!!!!!! Only the best of them are. think about just eating macrobiotic dinner with her and doing yoga to "take a bow." MY DREAM LIFE!!!!!!!!!

Also here is another ITalian (me) in bed reading the new yorkers book of wine cartons--wishing i was in bed with and MARIE 1 + 2. I NEED MORE PICTURES OF YOU. Go to zak's computer NOW!!!!

THERE WILL BE BEAUTY

2008-02-29T19:13:00.001-08:00

OH MY GOD

WE NEED THESE BOOTS TO SHARE,
SO THAT WE CAN EMBODY DANIEL PLAINVIEW
AS TWO BEAUTIFUL ITALIAN SISTERS
WALKING DOWN THE STREET IN
BROOKLYN
NEW YORK.

LOOK AT THESE EYEBROWS!

2008-02-28T20:01:00.000-08:00

ugh she looked so good at this time.

EXCUSE ME APRIL!!!

2008-02-27T13:32:00.000-08:00

HELLO THE BEST TIMES OF OUR LIFE ARE ABOUT TO COME!!!!!!!

please

2008-02-24T13:28:00.000-08:00

please i have not been out of bed yet today but can you just look at my hair when it's straight??????? how can it be this long straight but it sucks when it's not flat ironed!!! KILL ME!!!!!!

hellooooooo the hottest

2008-02-22T19:21:00.001-08:00

Well are you nuts

2008-02-20T11:09:00.001-08:00

just tell me how could people ever look so good????

all the women in my life are crazy

2008-02-19T14:57:00.000-08:00

hello here are all the men that i am in love with and i'm sure you love them too because we are cosmic sisters of the mind.

Are you kidding me

2008-02-15T15:50:00.000-08:00

hello i love these bitches

tortilla soup

2008-02-14T10:23:00.000-08:00

sorry that i have not updated this in a while, babyyyyy! i got my mouth cyst removed yesterday- so i am just swollen faced at home in bed- hopped up on so much vicodin. all of your blog posts to me were amaaaaazing! especially the diva site, barrrbra, and the clothing based on queen karina. here are some goodies for youuuuu on valentines day.

Get ready to die

2008-02-07T16:18:00.001-08:00

You ain't a beauty but hey you're alright.

2008-02-07T14:33:00.001-08:00

OKAY I LOVE YOU.

stupid bitch i love you

2008-02-06T17:43:00.000-08:00

Paula Dean is making cinnamon buns and I'm dying they look so good. But she is going to die any day of an insane heart attack. Before this, Ina Garten made this open faced sandwich that was sourdough bread with goat smoked salmon and tomato and cucumber and then this other open faced sandwich with goat cheese and tomato and arugula. Excuse me, I died. Here are most pictures of amazing women, and a funny one of me just testing what I will look like this summer with no bangs, hats, and short shorts. I love you, my editing queen.

okay just kill me now.

UM ALSO

2008-02-06T01:50:00.000-08:00

ARE YOU CRAZY? THIS IS MY DREAM GROUP OF WOMEN HERE.

excuse me

2008-02-06T01:34:00.000-08:00

here i am, just watching anthony bourdain on tv dying because i love him so much. i miss you and i love you. please.

what a bitch. not even as hot as all the middle part bitches in the world. uggggg.

excuse me i am dying at all of this

2008-02-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

You are the sunshine of my life

2008-02-05T01:31:00.000-08:00

please i'm just dying.

FUCKING KILLLL ME

2008-02-03T14:51:00.000-08:00

ARE YOU INSANE

Testimony to fish oil

2008-01-31T12:47:00.000-08:00

Can I just tell you that since I quit eating meat again, and cut dairy pretty much AND have been taking my vitamins and my FISH OIL daily, I JUST FEEL GREAT. I know you want to live a fancy vegan lifestyle, but I can seriously attest to the fact that fish oil is a GENIUS. You really should take it Jess!!! I feel so good, and my skin looks great, and my hair feels nice (looks like shit still), blahblahblah. I just want to drown myself in fish oil and get a massage and a pedicure, HELLO I WISH. I hope that your had a wonderful birthday, I am pissed I wasn't there, and please just marry me soon.

Here is a picture because these posts are boring without them. Here I am post FISH OIL taking, with my boyfriend on a mug, in my new room!!!!

jesus fucking christ

2008-01-30T18:35:00.000-08:00

ok, just kill me please:

HELLO.
MEANWHILE, I am just dressed like Elaine Benes in my room listening to Belle & Sebastian drinking grapefruit juice. KILL ME!

THEY SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY

2008-01-30T14:01:00.000-08:00

HELLO!!!!! I have the internet in my room now PLEASE now I can post so many good things. Here is a photo of me looking like a crazy fool in my new room, standing in front of my amazing closet space. I LOVE YOU HAVE THE BEST BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!!!!

Your other birthday present

2008-01-28T17:40:00.000-08:00

Good morning, good afternoon, goodnight.

2008-01-28T13:49:00.000-08:00

Well, it's 1:49pm here and I just got out of bed! I am currently updating this blog, sitting on the toilet. How does that sound for bitchy, classy, middle part bitch? Your birthday is so so soooo soooososososo soon and I WISH more than anything that I could be there to share it with you!!! But I know you will have a fantastic night, drinking your gin and tonics, yelling at everyone, all whilst wearing a beautiful suede dress. Here is my favorite lady right now:

um HELLO. I aspire to be this woman when I grow up! Look at that dog!!!!

Also:

this bitch. with her amazing forehead and perfect mens top.

AND

CAN YOU JUST KILL ME WITH THAT HAIR!??????

I think you'll look amazing with a middle part. And you look amazing with bangs, in a beehive, black hair, purple hair, pink hair, bleached spot on the side of your head- you look wonderful all the time and I LOVE YOU!

When we have middle parts we will look like the rich bitches we have always dreamt of being

2008-01-27T16:17:00.001-08:00

we will wear things like:

and we will eat things like:

and drink things like:

and we will look like this all the time:

I LOVE YOU!!! THANK GOD YOU ARE ALIVE!

PLEASE

2008-01-26T20:22:00.000-08:00

here is my blog for you. in here i will tell you the secrets of my day, talk a whole lot of trash, post videos, pictures, etc. for you to look at AND confess my never ending love for you.

secret #1: i have a bug bite on my boob.
secret #2: i ate pringles and soy beans for dinner
secret #3: it is raining out, and i wish i was in bed with you watching seinfeld

here are some presents from me to you:

THE END.
I LOVE YOU!!